(Saturday, September 23, 2006/12:28 PM)
ReflectIons
Yet Another Update:I am now on an official FORCED-HIATUS, courtesy of my mother. Thank you for your kind attention. This blog won't come to life until after EOY exams or when i sneak in.
Update:Song Changed to Waltz, the 2nd Honey and Clover ending theme.
smiles.
Time to look up the dictionary.
love
-noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
happiness
-noun
1. the quality or state of being happy.
2. good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.
fun
-noun
1. something that provides mirth or amusement.
2. enjoyment or playfulness.
smile
-verb (used without object)
1. to assume a facial expression indicating pleasure, favor, or amusement, but sometimes derision or scorn, characterized by an upturning of the corners of the mouth.
2. to regard with favor.
3. to have a pleasant or agreeable appearance or aspect, as natural scenes, objects, etc.
joy
-noun
1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.
2. a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated.
3. the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety.
laughter
-noun
1. the action or sound of laughing.
2. an inner quality, mood, disposition, etc., suggestive of laughter; mirthfulness: a man of laughter and goodwill.
3. an expression or appearance of merriment or amusement.
4. Archaic. an object of laughter; subject or matter for amusement.
stalk
-verb (used without object)
1. to pursue or approach prey, quarry, etc., stealthily.
2. to walk with measured, stiff, or haughty strides.
3. to proceed in a steady, deliberate, or sinister manne.
4. Obsolete. to walk or go stealthily along.
mistake
-noun
1. an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.
2. a misunderstanding or misconception.
change
-verb (used with object)
1. to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone: to change one's name; to change one's opinion; to change the course of history.
2. to transform or convert (usually fol. by into).
desperate
-adjective
1. reckless or dangerous because of despair or urgency.
2. having an urgent need, desire, etc.: desperate for attention.
3. leaving little or no hope; very serious or dangerous.
4. extremely bad; intolerable or shocking: clothes in desperate taste.
5. extreme or excessive.
6. making a final, ultimate effort; giving all.
7. actuated by a feeling of hopelessness.
8. having no hope; giving in to despair.
irreversible
-adjective
1. not reversible; incapable of being changed.
apologize
-verb (used without object)
1. to offer an apology or excuse for some fault, insult, failure, or injury: He apologized for accusing her falsely.
choice
-noun
1. an act or instance of choosing; selection.
2. the right, power, or opportunity to choose; option.
3. the person or thing chosen or eligible to be chosen.
4. an alternative: There is another choice.
5. an abundance or variety from which to choose: a wide choice of candidates.
6. something that is preferred or preferable to others; the best part of something.
end
-noun
1. the last part or extremity, lengthwise, of anything that is longer than it is wide or broad.
2. a point, line, or limitation that indicates the full extent, degree, etc., of something; limit; bounds.
3. a part or place at or adjacent to an extremity.
4. the furthermost imaginable place or point.
5. termination; conclusion.
6. the concluding part.
7. an intention or aim.
8. the object for which a thing exists; purpose.
9. an outcome or result.
10. termination of existence; death.
11. a cause of death, destruction, or ruin.
Hai, it's a wonderful day.
(Wednesday, September 20, 2006/10:27 PM)
Victory by Failure
Staring at the dark night sky,I hear fireworks, but don't see the light.These noises don't seem to bring much sight,But I know, somewhere else, they shine so bright.To me I might not see a thing,But somewhere else, its so wonderful you can't even blink.As I look back up into that starless night,I thought and I finally knew what was right.I came and I left and a lesson I learnt,A painful one maybe but still doesn't hurt.As much as the sorrow I got looking at her,Because when I did my mind went in a blur.But the battle's not over yet, it's just begun,I know I can lead a normal life and have fun.There's so many people out there worse than me,So why was it all this time I couldn't see?I bottled my pain, and I drowned in my sorrow,I pitied myself for being just such an asshole.I just look up the sky and somehow I can see,I can see her looking up the same sky as me.A sky so starless and full of fireworks that aren't there,Then suddenly it hit me, I saw all the tears.In that beautiful night sky, there were tears I could see,And suddenly I realised that the rainbow was me.Then I knew what I had to do, I had to move on,Not just sit there, cry, and let everything go wrong.I had to move on, and I had to let go,I had to continue, and let it be so.Apologies don't work anymore, they don't work for me,I've tried countless times before the truth I see.That some things just can't be repaired or just fixed right away,And because they can't, you put your life in dismay.I've learnt not to give up, yet still move along.I've learnt that life's just not about all the wrongs.In moving on I have found my new way,Yet still can remember all the things that she's said.I've learnt that you never get victory after victory,And if you pursue it, you'll end up in history.Sometimes in life we have to just let it go,Just let it go and let it all just be so.But victory after failure I have yet to see,Most people don't believe in that, but that's not me.I believe and trust in everything that I do.I used to ask her to believe, I pursued.And found out that I ended up in dark history,And I learnt that you never get victory after victory.Sometimes I looked up the sky and asked "why",Why did these happen to me at this time?Then I learnt that we don't ask "why" or "what do i do",Instead we just let it go, I hope it's true.So why have I wasted so much of your time?Preaching about nothing at all but my life?Because if someone does something dumb someone else is bound to do it,And I thought I must as well share how to avoid it, and not sit.And regret that one dumb thing you've done, just like me,Stupid things happen to people, don't you see?So victory by failure, and failure by victory,Either was, it just seems like this'll end up in history.But as long as you believe in what you do,Whatever you aim for will come ever so true.But what if I am wrong, you say,I don't do long stuff for nothing, leave it this way.As I look back up into that starless night, I thought and I finally knew what was right. In that beautiful night sky, there were tears I could see, And suddenly I realised that the rainbow was me.
(Monday, September 18, 2006/10:27 PM)
Here
Exams= No Hiatus
I don't find any meaning in the word "hiatus". I don't find any meaning in anything. Sometimes I just think I'm a failure.Just Let it be.
Let it be a lovely day.
Lovely day but starless nights.
But starless nights can still shine bright.
I can't win and I can't lose.
I'm just hanging from the noose.
Suspended 50 feet in the air.
I hear someone say "don't you dare".
I look down and to the noise.
But I see nothing, only toys.
A mechanical world that's right down there.
And I look, on me, it's a rainbow I wear.
And when I look up, I look up and see.
A starless night that's there for me.
There's no stars seen on this night.
But even gone stars can shine bright.
Suddenly the noose breaks free.
Lying down on the ground, and up I see.
The sky, the sky, the starless night sky.
Just me, a guy who wants to die.
I see no stars on this wonderful night.
But even this night can shine so bright.
If I lay here,
If I just lay here.
Would you lie with me, and,
just forget the world.
(Sunday, September 17, 2006/10:43 PM)
Why?
Let it be.
Everyday I wonder,
Why there is a starless night.
Sometimes that last chance just disappears,
Sometimes the stars don't shine ever so bright.
Why, Why?
(Thursday, September 14, 2006/9:22 PM)
ConseQuence
"We were worlds apart" Now what lvl of the Wicked was that?Let's start.
"The higher you climb, the harder you fall."Sure, I believe in that. But I don't mind climbing as high as the ladder takes me, because when I finally hit the ground, I'd know that it was all worth it.
"Night of the Night Stalkers"Now how long ago was that, are you talking about the DVD now?
"You have weird dreams."You bet I do, and I always wish for more.
"I'm sure I can be one in your school."Course' you can, and I know that the only prefect I will be booked by will be you. You may not be one now, but to me you still are. (=
"What do you think of my plan?"If it were to work, it would be my miracle. Forever my miracle.
"There's curfew at 11."I wouldn't care about a curfew, as long as I get to say what I have to say.
"Sake Sushi, that's cool!"Yeah you bet, but what matters is that I get to say what I say.
"We'll go to a movie."Anything that ups my chances.
"think i'm very free arh."If you are then that's my miracle.
"Must not let Kee ks."Since when was he?
"Flame flame flame."I hope I could help you out, but I guess I can't lol. Let fate take it's course.
Yeah, just let fate take it's course...
(Wednesday, September 13, 2006/9:58 PM)
Desperation
What a day.
Got lots of omens.
Also learnt that everyone's quite inactive today. Pre-EOY mugging? I'm not sure.
Shall I start?
I'm catching Kee-Syndrome. Means I get aLOT jacked. While Kee may get 10 minor jacks a day, I got 3 and it hit me big. It's either I'm not doing stuff right today or theyr'e just omens. I think theyr'e both.
Jack Number 1: During Chinese class, me and Kee had something important to speak about. So Kee said "Let's saboh ourselves." Okay, so when the teacher was complaining about the noise, and asked who wanted to go out. I said "We all want to go out!". Conclusion: The teacher sent me out only, and Kee just sat inside class and...Well Kee, not that i hate you or anything, but I hate the Chinese teacher.
Jack Number 2: During Lit class. For once, I wasn't the one who stood up first and cheered for the teacher. But here comes the stupid part. She goes and calls Mr Bonguard. At first i thought that was a trick to keep us quiet. So when she re-entered class, I stood up and clapped. Them Mr. Bonguard came in. Okay, that was great.
Jack Number 3: After Lit class. Mr. Bonguard holds the class for awhile, then he pulls me over and starts to reprimand me. Now this is because, earlier on he had asked me to apologise "on two knees". Bad misinterpretation by me meant I was to Drama. So I did, the whole class clapped, and I ended up having to write an apology letter to the teacher when I got back home, not to mention signed by my parents. Lucky and VERY lucky for me, Mr Bonguard talked to me later after he sent the class off. He said he'd "let me off for now". Further calling up with my friends tells me "no, you don't have to write it i think". That's good, because i rmb him saying "please apologise to Ms Fiona Ho properly." Phew lol. But it's still a major jack, a very big one, Indeed.
Not to mention that I ate something wrong and ended up almost throwing up when I got home. Now my bro's got a fever and my parents were away a bit back then. It's cool, I can take care of my sibling, see I'm not TOTALLY useless huh? hehe.
I actually wanted to post some other stuff about what Loy and the gang said to me today. But I'll do it tomorrow, I feel like...i dunno.
(Tuesday, September 12, 2006/9:49 PM)
OverReaction
All the people who used to tag my blog are now on holiday spamming someone else's. At least I know one special person is missing.
Today was a okay day.
Music class came and Kee took out his guitar. Went to the Music Room only to get our group sent back to class to learn the song. Had 10 mins of mayhem and 10 mins to learn the song. Turns out everyone learned it, and Kee rocked the guitar, though it's an acoustic. He even called the rehearsal "the most bullshit I've ever seen". Way to go, LeoDeNai group hehe, not to mention the lead guitarist. (= The song's really simple, it's called "Tears in Heaven". But it has that special meaning to me too, I suppose.
The rest of the day was just slack. Went for a DotA round and ended up not-in-last-place. That's not bad, considering that I've forgotten how to play.
Took the train down with Kee back home. I told him which stops I hated most.
Spent the afternoon struggling on the piano again. Countdown's on 9 days. Green form, hmm. Will I get the same wish-me-lucks? We'll have to wait and see.
Mugging all the way, it's Geog test tomorrow. 12 whole chapters. Somehow I just read through and it seemed like nothing extra got into my brain. 2 main reasons, either 1) I'm distracted by something important or 2) Salinah hammered in all we need for the test already. Either reason, I don't care, as long as my parents stop complaining.
Are we done?
"Would you know my name,
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same,
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong,
And carry on.
Cause' I know,
I don't belong.
Here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand,
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand,
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way,
Through night and day.
Cause' I know,
I just can't stay.
Here in heaven.
Time can break you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break you heart,
Have you begging please.
Begging please.
Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure.
Cause' I know,
There'll be no more.
Tears in heaven.
Would you know my name,
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same,
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong,
And carry on.
Cause' I know,
I don't belong.
Here in heaven..."
I saw you in my dreams, I heard you call my name, but it didn't look like heaven. What does heaven look like anyway?
(Monday, September 11, 2006/10:12 PM)
Rebel
"Your Number one thing in life is studying, so buck up and do so." Oh really? Well think twice before you say that again, I just gave you a chance this time, and it's your last.Let's start 9/11/2006.
Wonderful chapel, couldn't be any better. Shi kept jabbing me. The only thing that seemed to remain in place was Kee. A bit retarded of me, maybe, but he seemed like the only normal one. No offense the rest of ya, I never said you were retarded, just abnormal. It's not like I didn't change either.
Slacked English class. Joash did a super imitation of Martin Luther King. Kee was with Du. At least that fact hadn't changed, not that I'm saying your'e gay, Kee.
What a boring day.
When I got home, I played WoW for a little. Then my mom and dad came home and shouted for me to come and eat dinner. Ended up fighting with them over why I should mug like an ass. Of course, I let my parents win. Either that or they blew my head off. My father just shouted "Studies should be Number 1 in your life, and not the computer!" Okay, if I'd knew better I wouldn't have started this bloody argument. It's not the computer or studies that are Number 1 in my life, I've got 1 more important thing in my life that's more meaningful than the rest, it's just that you 2 creators-of-my-wrecked-life won't understand if I told you what it was, it would only make things far worse. So I just sat there and cried, not that I can do anything about it.
Parents are out currently, so I can steal this post in. From 9 to 9.10 I tried to practice my beloved piano unsucessfully. My hand ended up shaking harder than if you were in underwear in Antartica. Went to stare at the sky, only to find no stars. Great, even the heavens hate me now. Called Kee and got some encouraging stuff that was not entirely from him, shall not elaborate. I suppose I must get my fair share of play and I'll mug equally hard, just to show my parents that that most important thing can be juggled with 2 other almost-as-important ones, or at least important according to my lifegivers. Of course, the attendance to whatever the most-important may be will be 24/7. Be it attending to the other 2 or sleeping, eating, whatever. Because all I need to do is hope and bless.
Is it a boring day now?
Thanks:2 extra thanks to do today, goes to Kee and whoever his message to me brought. You 2 give me hope that almost disappeared, I'll continue fighting even though its not cancer. Thank you. (=
"godblessyou in whatever you do (="
(Sunday, September 10, 2006/9:20 PM)
God Bless You
"Sometimes people do stupid things. But sometimes too, in this world, you don't get forgiven for it. So pick up the pieces of your shattered dream and just move on." Hey, picking these pieces actually cut my finger, how the hell am I supposed to move on now, smart guy?Today was a stupid day.
Yesterday was a stupid night.
The thought of seriousness.
The seriousness of thought.
The consequence of actions.
The actions of consequence.
Dreams of a shattered memory.
Memories of a shattered dream.
Shall I start off from last night?
Mother wouldn't let me stay up till midnight. There was this Tribute to Steve Irwin thing going on on Animal Planet. 12-hour marathon. Got up at 7am, watched it anyway, so much for complaining. Read paper on him too. Seems like all the enthusiasm he put into his work finally paid off. I don't think mine will ,though. Or maybe I just won't live to see it, just like our dear friend Mr. Irwin.
WoWed half the day away too. I think when it's over, you just have nothing better to do. The Wicked, you might say. Yeah, The Wicked, just makes me 10 times worse. Sometimes you think of all the happy times and then just that one incident really makes you cry. At least I did, and don't call me a wimp or...well heck, I'm just an emotional emotionless slacker.
The other half of the day was spent in homework. More and more and more homework. I guess its got something to do with what I mentioned earlier. When it's gone, it's gone. Coming away from that, I didn't know we had so much holiday homework. I guess I can't make the cut for Math class hehe.
So well, I guess I'd better get back to the books. I really don't belong in this world, do I?
Dreams of a shattered memory.
Memories of a shattered dream.
Forced love.
Loved force.
Persevering throughout.
Throughout presevation.
Statement and pie.
Pie and statement.
Crying and fighting.
Fighting and crying.
Today was a stupid day.
Yesterday was a stupid night...
(Friday, September 08, 2006/8:32 PM)
Thanks
Nothing much to write about today, I just WoWed it. I'm gonna go WoW after this anyway so what's the point? =P
About the IB thing, I'm on full objections. Got 4 reasons why I don't want and don't need to do IB.
1) I want to take 3 Sciences and 2 Maths.
2) I hate Lit.
3) I don't wanna go to some angmoh Uni somewhere in US or UK. No way, I'm staying damnit here in Singapore.
4) I hate Lit, really.
Must as well give my place up to someone who's really on and wants the IB like a pot of gold. Why did I mention a pot of gold anyway? Watched some documentary earlier on. All the smart brains from the past are bloody slackers, except for Newton. Come to think of it, Newton looks like Malcom. No offense Malc, but you're a born mugger, enjoy your life in IB. And I'm not trying to imply that I'm a smart ass here, I'm just a loner slacker. Which is why I'm such good friends with Kee.
Then that baby boy in Japan brought so much joy and noise and what-have-you. Okay, Princess Kiko and the Royal Family, my congratulations to you. But too much noise is bad for the baby, so maybe you should take him to Singapore, good for busniess yes? Oh, excuse me, but I'm a random loner slacker, ignore those comments thanks, aligato (however you spell that).
Someone in the guild said that some Brock dude got killed in a car accident. Further questioning reveals Brock as an Aussie racer who took a wrong turn and ended up, car and himself, against a tree, not breathing of course. Must be really sad for them Aussie people. 1 Croc Hunter, 1 Racer and 9 Drug Traffickers. My deepest consolations, Aussie. Thanks for giving me something to write about.
Oh yeah, just to infom you guys, I in the process of switching to Blogger Beta. I hope it won't affect anything. Gimme a buzz if it does, thanks. My, that's the name of today's title.
I just hope that everything can go smoothly. But everything never goes slowly, and that's what life is, all crapped up. Thanks, God, my life is like that because of you.
Extras:Many thanks to:
LoyClarencethese 2 people here are for special reasons I shall not elaborate on.
Steve Irwinthe guy who brought me much laughter during my childhood. Crikey!
Dr Ongfor giving me a place in IB when I don't need it.
Keefor being a good friend ever since I met him.
MelWehfor bringing an extra person into my loving care and frustration, aLOT MelWeh
Loyagain for more elaborate reasons.
Matilda, my cousinfor being there to bloody nag at me when my times are at the worst, I hope you're reading this.
My parentsfor bringing me into this stupid messed up world, what a time, I suppose WW2 wouldn't have been any better, yes?
Whoever in 2.9 who concerns thisfor cheering me on, either that or teasing me. It's all the same.
LeoDeNaifor singing to cheer me up, and for that I'll help you print em' notes XD
That Extra Personfor being there when I needed you. Keeping it low is really fine with me, I'm more than glad you're okay.
And Everyone else who's Reading this and wants to be thanked
okay, thank you for being there and where I don't even notice.
Is that all?
(Thursday, September 07, 2006/8:14 PM)
Back to Simplicity
When I went, it was raining.
When I came back, it was raining.
When I went, it was dark.
When I came back, it was dark.
When I went, I couldn't sleep.
When I came back, I couldn't sleep.
When I went, I saw omens.
When I came back, I saw omens.
...Omen perhaps?
I don't wanna write alot. I'm really opposing my will here, or my will is opposing me. It's just funny how some things happen and they move along. Oh, what random shit am I talking about.
Ok, so the minute the coach came into KL, there's the toll gate. Now it looks like any ordinary toll gate in Malaysia would look like. But lo and behold, the pillars were painted blue and had this notice in both English and Malay. It Read: "Say No to Porn, Hold ALT+F4". Okay, brilliant start to my holiday. Not to mention I saw a police car chasing a cab down the road when we alighted from the coach.
Secondly, there was only 1 thing that I really enjoyed. It was getting a few new clothes. Good, now I'm done with my share of shopping, I don't intend to for another 6 months. The other thing that I was close to enjoying was watching Mr. Irwin get lots of flowers and a state funeral. Oh yeah, the IMF WorldBank thing starts on 10th or 11th of Sep. 11th of Sep would be the best date in mind because 1) It's 911. 2) It's 911, bloody hell =P. 3) It's Mr. Irwin's death week-versary. Wouldn't it be great?
On the road back, I saw this really stupid thing. Some dude in a rich Porsche or something was trying to weave lanes when the traffic was already so fricking darn slow. This ass actually had to give off noise when trying to turn. Okay, bastard, you're already lucky to have a Porsche or whatever plus a 3 digit car plate. Now would you please turn off your fucking engine and dump it into the sea. Much appreciated, thanks.
Oh yeah, special thanks to Clarence, who introed me to the "Sunday Mornings" song, a song which has the special meaning to me that I will never forget, especially since I was listening to it for 70+ times in the bus. Cheers!
"Sunday morning,Rain is falling.Steal some covers,Share some skin.Clouds are shrouding us in Moments unforgettable.You twist to fit the, Mold that I am in.But things just get so crazy,Living life gets hard to do.And I would gladly hit the road get up and go, If I knew.That someday it would bring me back to you That someday it would bring me back to you"
(Monday, September 04, 2006/11:06 PM)
Trapped in a Void
Beautiful start to the hols, or is it?=/
Nothing to really talk about, stoned through the whole day, really. My hands shaked like crap, couldn't play my piano properly. I wonder wth is coming over me.
Going to KL tomorrow. Waste of 3 days, I should say. Why go when I can be content here at home getting to 60? My guildies are real fun anyway. Bunch of lovely Aussie peeps who talk about Steve Irwin and how to defeat some really tough guy. It's abit amazing, how life can just disappear like that, same as I saw on the road that day. I guess the lesson learnt from this is that sometimes a small thing can lead to a really big outcome. Even that of death. But some things are more painful than death.
Well that's what we're here for. To live life, to see it go, and to leave ourselves. What happens in the process, well it's just up to the surrounding factor, Fate, to decide.
"Who said you neededRain to make a Rainbow?Who said you neededCourage to make something come true?Who said that dead endsWould just stop abruptly?Who said that there wasA pot of gold at the end of the Rainbow?Some things in life are justNever meant to be.Just look at me andThe perfect example you will see."
(Saturday, September 02, 2006/2:39 PM)
Moving Along
Haven't been updating. I guess not much is really happening. Then again lots of stuff has happened, so what's going on? (=
First, the IB thing. We got back our results and it wasn't very appealing. 5 of us got accepted, and that includes me. But I wanna do my O' Levels and that darned "PRESTIGIOUS" programme makes you take Lit. Tsk...I hate Lit. I guess I hafta think harder, people from all corners are begging me to either leave or join. God, I never had so much attention in my life, why now?
Secondly, it was that Teacher's Day celebration. I must say this is an eventful year cos' nothing ever ends up right. Raining made us walk around the whole sheltered part of the school and we ended up looking at a bunch of vids and songs at the concert. At least they decorated it nicely. The 2.9 crowd including me were shouting "James!" half of the time. I figure there was nothing better to do.
After the concert, me, Kee, Edward and Augustine took a taxi down to Primary school where we met Mr Elkan, Mr Raymond Poon, and all the other teachers. It's kind of wonderful how your Pri 1 Chinese teacher still remembers you. Anyway, had a bunch of drinks with the teachers, talked, chatted, laughed. It was more fun than the concert, just that Kee and gang went missing. Too bad then, you missed half the show. =P
Was about to watch Lost that night when my Staff Sergeant called me and read me a bunch of names. I was surprised cause' I was down for it too. Whoever told me I wasn't, curse you. (=
Just yesterday, I had to go to Choa Chu Kang for the event. Some Yellow Ribbon Flag Day thingy. Ended up having to hold a bag loaded with stuff and 1 tin. Okay, that wasn't too bad. But there weren't any stickers. It then hit my dumb head that it was a Yellow Ribbon. Ok, then why didn't they make a sticker of a Yellow Ribbon, those are so much easier to sell. Ended up with my bottle leaking and the water getting absorbed by the exposed curry puff, which, to my amazement, ended up spread evenly around the whole bag. Good, the bag now smells of curry puff. Ended up tired like some dog and went back to hand in my tin. Man, the people around Westmall are people who don't give money away easily, not to mention one person being bombarded 10 times by different tin holders. Oh yeah, I've still got 19 of those ribbons, and I'm giving them away so just buzz me and you'll get one. I hope I get double CIP hours for doing more than the target 20 packets...
"What can I sayIt's a beautiful day"